These kids need a nap...

Children of the Corn (1984)

Directed by Fritz Kiersch

If you like kids killing people and loving on the devil as much as me then this is the movie for you. I don't want to say that this is a poorly made movie, but after watching again recently I have to say this is a poorly made movie. 

It was painstakingly put together by Fritz Kiersch who went on to make a amazing two episode run on Swamp Thing the TV series. So right off the start of this bad Larry you know you are in good hands. Also and this is a small also it is based on a Stephen King book or should I say short story from way back. Now I like Stephen King, his books anyways. We can all agree his movies aren't always the best when they come out. There are a few like The Mist and Shawshank, but come on when I watch Shank I think about how great of a book by King this movie is based.

The movie is about a town that gets taken over by the children who believe the devil is coming back, they call him He who walks behind the rows. Very scary! A few kids take over the local diner and kill the adults. Apparently there are only seven adults in the whole town because it only takes a few minutes to kill them all. One of the main devil freaks is Malachi played by Courtney Gains, from The 'burbs. I knew he was off because he is a ginger, they are always off. Wake up people!

The leader of this rag tag group is Isaac Chroner played by John Franklin, he played It in the Adam's Family movies. He is one of those man child guys like Webster or Different Strokes. All I got to say is he is a bitch.

The heroes of this epic is Peter Horton from Thirty-something and that chick from The Terminator, Linda Hamilton. These two city folk are heading to the big city because Horton is a doctor now and he has money to make. Instead of flying they decide to drive, because who doesn't love a drive through Bible country. Long story short they crash and end up in Hell Town with mayor Isaac.

They meet a kid and hatch up a crazy plan to save Hell Town. Some of the best acting in this movie comes between Isaac and Malachi. These two couldn't act out of a plastic bag, although the guy that played Isaac got much better by the time he played It in Adam's Family. I really believed he was a hair ball. The director loves to show close up of hands doing stuff like killing of getting ready to kill or even after the kill. It's like Jaws don't show the shark till the end.

I watched this one a few weeks back for the first time in like ten years. I have to say that it really doesn't hold up to well. But I still have a place in my heart for devil kids that worship He who walks behind the rows. Go check this gem out and have a great time watch kids go bat shit crazy.

A great forgotten classic that has to be seen to believe.

5/10

My poor daughter...

With my daughter turning the big 3 this year I started thinking about the stuff I grew up with that she will have no idea what I am talking about. Like TVs with a back, beepers, no internet and my all time favorite thing to do in my early years was to go to the local mom and pop video rental store. 

I love movies... no really I love movies I think I would kill someone to watch one. When I was a kid every Friday night was video rental night. Our local store was called Video City. I miss this place, it was so low key that you didn't even have a rental card, everyone was given a three digit ID number.

That isn't a picture of the great Video City, couldn't find one, this is a picture from Movies 4 Sale that has long since closed. The cool thing about Video City was the fact that you could have the posters off the wall. My room was draped in posters from top to bottom. From Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure to The Last Boy Scout(personal favorite), I had them all. 

One of my favorite things from Video City was the staff. They were late teens to early twenty somethings that loved movies more than me. It was dream of mine to get a job there once I was sixteen. But the store closed before that could ever happen. I miss the clerk picks and the late fees and of course the lone arcade game in the corner. It was always Q-Bert or Pac-Man and you knew who had the high score. On a given Friday night there would be skateboarders and kids smoking outside the store, it was the place to be.

I know that I'm old and I should just embrace the downloading trend, but I really can't get on board. This is all coming from a guy that would not get a DVD player for years because VHS kicks ass. So what the hell do I know?!!

I was never that big of a Blockbuster fan just because of what they represented, which was the death of the mom and pop store. Now thanks to Blockbuster we see the death of the video rental store. 

The stores that were around the mom and pop rental stores were always nothing that would ever go with it. Like a tanning salon or a hallmark or dollar store. Mine was next too a buffet and a drug store, oh and a carpet store. Everything you want in one plaza, welcome to Florida home of the plaza.

Mom and pop stores always had the most out there videos that Blockbuster would never even think about carrying. Without Video City I would have never seen such classics like Evil Dead 2, Faces of Death, I Spit On Your Grave, Meatballs, Three O'Clock High, DC Cab, Red Dawn, the list can go on and on. I found a store once in Orlando where I bought a used copy of Evil Dead 2 for $9. This was back when the movie was very much out of print.

That was then and this is now. Those stores are long gone, I have found some online that still rent videos, they are still out there. I wish they were able to work with online and keep this great places alive. What can you do? Times change and we get older and older. One day my daughter will down load Evil Dead 2 and watch it and wonder what is wrong with my taste of movies. I bet she would like it after renting it from a store after playing some Q-Bert and drinking some Mountain Dew.

God bless America where the mom pop store closes and dies.

FIVE MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!

It's that time again, well not actually again because this is my first Five Month Anniversary; wait you only get one of these so welcome to my one and only Five Month Anniversary. To celebrate this amazing and some what above par moment here is a picture of me when we started this web page way back in March of 2011. Enjoy and please keep reading!

Thanks to everyone who takes time out of their lives to read my silly reviews and my rants about why Just the 10 of Us was taken off the air. Here's to you bad TV and Movies.

We went all out on the cake again.